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Footnotes to poetry have reminded me of something I knew already: in dimly remembered human history, dildos were made of leather. This was, of course, disgusting. Before that, they could have been made of nearly anything, including, I've read, wood, stone, and ivory.
It must be admitted: I'm not always so stoic as I seem. Despite my being fully aware that, had I been born a boy, I would weep in the night: "Why, oh why, could I not have been born a girl?" I still, ever so rarely, bemoan my biological lot.
You may or may not know that I hold a certain fondness for missing limbs. The amputee is beautiful, and their prosthetics wonders. Quite often, I fear, I enjoy the suggestion of a thing more than I could ever like the thing itself.
Somehow I'd never quite managed to fit the two facts together.
Being an amputee of a certain sort, what I require are truly magnificent and ancient prosthetics: ivory harvested five hundred years ago and traced with Arabian geometries, wands tipped with jewels, human thigh bones carved with runes, attached with pure silk or ermine or a leather harness crafted by an old Venetian gentleman who, normally, only makes tasteful women's handbags.
I know where to find my other somewhat exotic antiques, but how, exactly, does one go about collecting antique, mayhaps prehistoric, faux phalli?
It must be admitted: I'm not always so stoic as I seem. Despite my being fully aware that, had I been born a boy, I would weep in the night: "Why, oh why, could I not have been born a girl?" I still, ever so rarely, bemoan my biological lot.
You may or may not know that I hold a certain fondness for missing limbs. The amputee is beautiful, and their prosthetics wonders. Quite often, I fear, I enjoy the suggestion of a thing more than I could ever like the thing itself.
Somehow I'd never quite managed to fit the two facts together.
Being an amputee of a certain sort, what I require are truly magnificent and ancient prosthetics: ivory harvested five hundred years ago and traced with Arabian geometries, wands tipped with jewels, human thigh bones carved with runes, attached with pure silk or ermine or a leather harness crafted by an old Venetian gentleman who, normally, only makes tasteful women's handbags.
I know where to find my other somewhat exotic antiques, but how, exactly, does one go about collecting antique, mayhaps prehistoric, faux phalli?
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-28 06:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-28 06:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-28 06:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-28 06:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-28 06:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-28 06:20 pm (UTC)I had never thought of the amputee angle before...
Ooh, there are people who make swords and things to historical specifications. I wonder whether...
(no subject)
Date: 2008-01-28 06:39 pm (UTC)I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 06:52 pm (UTC)Ivory is a porous material, and therefore a harbinger of bacteria and infection. I would use an ivory phallus for visual aesthetic purposes only. Never for actual copulation.
Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:07 pm (UTC)Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:14 pm (UTC)Personally, while I find the term distasteful and fads are lame, I might consider a "steampunk" alternative, using newer materials and an older visual appeal.
Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:30 pm (UTC)I am now rocking in my chair with my eyes closed, faintly murmuring, "...steampunk... dildo..."
Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:33 pm (UTC)Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:37 pm (UTC)Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:41 pm (UTC)*head full of ideas*
Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:46 pm (UTC)In fact, if you can get a dildo on Brass Goggles, you'll will nerddom.
Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:47 pm (UTC)Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 08:03 pm (UTC)Many thanks for pointing me at Brass Goggles!
Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:38 pm (UTC)Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:21 pm (UTC)And I'm not trying to imply that all your friends have STDs. I'm mostly concerned about the kinds of everyday bacteria that your skin is excellent at repelling, but which isn't meant to be rammed into vaginas and asses.
Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:36 pm (UTC)Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:24 pm (UTC)Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:40 pm (UTC)Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 07:52 pm (UTC)My uncle who is a fisherman by trade is actually from a place not far from there. He is a burly, soft-spoken gentleman with a gigantic beard who rolls his own cigarettes, and makes his living on the sea, as is his family's tradition. When sailing he uses his long beard as a scarf. His name is William Blackburn Penniston II, Billy for short. He knows how to make a perfect martini while on a swaying sailboat in the middle of the ocean.
Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 08:04 pm (UTC)Re: I Care About Your Genetalia And The Genetalia Of Your Friends
Date: 2008-01-28 08:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-21 10:34 pm (UTC)There is a place near Adamstown, PA called Fred & Dottie's, they specialize in reproductions, but they also have a sampling of real antiques.
Some time ago, they had a contraption in the lower level of their establishment that on first look seems like some strange reclining chair from a dentist's or doctor's office in a Jules Verne novel.
Apparently it is from the turn of the century and was used on "hysterical" women. The woman reclined in the seat, put feet in stirrups and a mechanical dildo would solve all her problems.
Whether they still have it, I don't know. I haven't been there in a long time. You do need to have a tax number to get in, they serve the antique dealer community. Perhaps a field trip is in order.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-22 03:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-02-25 03:55 pm (UTC)If you need company for a road trip, let me know.
Oh. I also remembered in the biik, Ahab's Wife, there is a part when Ahad goes back to sea, that a friend offers the heroine a choice of "widow's friends" made from porcelain in varying shapes and sizes. The Author did extensive research, so I'm sure this is true. I wonder if any whaling museums have examples?