jacktellslies

My questions are about anger. I never was an angry person when I was young. I still don't take these things personally, exactly. It is an issue, though, when the personal is political, as it so often is. Lately all I can do is ignore it. Ignore the larger structures and patterns. Don't read about it. Don't think of it, because there is so very little that I can do about most of it.

So far, this time around, my experiments have been about verbs, not nouns. I am wondering about how one works with certain energies, how one accomplishes certain goals. The gods have become partners more than friends. (It is interesting. I am unused to it, but not uncomfortable with it, for the time being.) But when I think of this anger, I think of Saint Joan, and I think of Saint Sebastian.

I've been too much the martyr, in the past. I've allowed terrible and inconvenient things to happen to me for the perceived good of others. I've been ever so polite. But I grew tired of it. And instead there is this anger.

Why are both of my martyrs soldiers? Rather, how? How does one know when to fight, and when to yield? How does one accomplish anything? How does one know how to do so? I want to protect what is ours and mine. I want to be kind and fair. I want to create change, but I want to feel at peace. I know the stories, but I do not understand how one can hold both.