jacktellslies

My dearest Philadelphia,

Because I am kind, I'll give you the option Nero never did. I am looking for a house to rent. I'd be thrilled if said house could include hardwood floors, sufficient counter space in the kitchen, and storage enough for extraneous furniture, but I'm flexible. I've been looking for some time, however, and I am no longer amused. So, if you fail to provide me with a place to live within the next two weeks, I'll burn you to the ground and build my fucking pleasure dome. Thank you ever so much for your assistance in this matter.

Yours,
Jack