That is, in fact, what she said.

[jacktellslies]

Friends! Following a thoroughly successful day of adventures with Krys including, but not limited to: an examination of the medical oddities of the famed Mutter Museum, the sampling of oft and deservingly praised crepes at Beau Monde, missing a magpie, the exploration of most of the city's great antique shops, the acquisition of the second top hat of the week and a kneeler to accompany the Fort's church pew, a great feast occurred. Long lost friends gathered at The Fort for a grand tea party, at which we tasted a mirage of teas from the antipodes, watercress sandwiches, fine cheeses, strawberries, pears, and grapes (even in winter!), and wine. We spoke of art and politics! We wore hats! And, most important of all, we noted, as we have all been long aware, that all of the existing terms in the whole of the English language for, shall we say, the naughty bits, are painfully inadequate. So we made new ones. Below is a partial list. Please review, amend, and advise.

the teacup of Venus
the Spear of Destiny
the horn of the unicorn
his quivering tower
Christopher Walken
his Spanish cigar
her secret grotto
her dark cavern
her mysterious pocket
her blushing apple blossom
her chastity and virtue
her secrets and lies
her cavern of jewels
his divining rod
her flowing cup freshly remembered
his beautiful hookah
ein übermensch
her jar of fine ointments
his proud peacock
her unlit room
his devil's tower
his calvary and artillery
le croquet
his devastating cannon
the devil's wineglass
his swift rapier
his plus three mace of increased strength
The Nautilus (I think this works equally well for most people's bits, actually.)
his gentleman in a bowler
his bright candlestick
her snuff box


And a few for the act:

to throw one's gauntlet
once more unto the breech dear friends
with a led pipe in the conservatory
sailors fighting in the dance hall

Some of these are absurdly insular, and such in-the-moment drivel that come morning even I won't remember exactly what we'd been raving about, but they're still a good deal better than the alternatives. More, more!

And thank you for your attention to this matter.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/overture_/]

let's get married.

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

Ahem. An addendum, another for the act: Bombing her parliament. Or, I'd fifth her November!

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

Oh! So sorry. That was actually meant to be a more general comment, not specifically a reply. In response to your statement, I accept. And, thankfully, I already have a top hat.

[westlinwind.livejournal.com]

Now, now. Dinna we have just long discussions regarding marriage and the advantages of living in sin instead?

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

Curses! All apologies. Overature_, would you mind a weekend jaunt to Marrakesh, instead?

[http://users.livejournal.com/overture_/]

That would be lovely. What time?

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

Three o'clock.

[http://users.livejournal.com/overture_/]

I'll be waiting.

[swirl-girlx.livejournal.com]

Oh, my goodness. -giggles-

our net task: write poetry including at least one of each term (his, hers and the act). Epic poetry, or sonnets.

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

Poetry is all well and good, but I'd really prefer that we used them in the moment, preferably with people not present for their creation.

[martygreene.livejournal.com]

Darling, during my far too brief visit to Philadelphia I neglected to stop by Wooden Shoe Books to see if they still have any of the sprial bound slingshot collective calendars in a cover color that doesn't suck.

Do you perchance know where this lovely establishment is? Might you be able to procure such a lovely calendar for me (if a non-ugly cover color is available)? I can send you the funding for such an endeavor.

Much love!

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

Not a problem! I have to head out that way in the next few days anyway.

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

The calendar has been purchased! I hope that purple and grey are acceptable? And to what address should I send it? My email is the.earl.of.grey at gmail dot com.

[chronographia.livejournal.com]

Oh marvelous! I've always maintained that thirteen-year-old boys were put in charge when it came to naming the daintier and more intimate parts of the anatomy, and that the people should rise up against this tyranny. Or, at least, go for more extravagantly silly names that aren't outright dumb-sounding.

(Victorian penny dreadfuls are an excellent source of inspiration, provided you get the right sort. The word 'quim' has gone down in usage over the last century and that cannot be good.)

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

An excellent idea!

Penny Dreadful was my old pseudonym back when I was more of a lady than I am now. It's probably high time I actually read a few of them.