Syphilis!

Today was unpleasant. Therefore I thought it an excellent day on which to discus cursing. I'm as fond as anyone of the usual references to fornication and excrement, but apparently utilize them a good deal less frequently than I think I do. My Dutch flatmate once asked me, "Do you ever actually curse, or do you just say, curses?" Indeed.

As it happens, cursing in Dutch apparently focuses on disease. It mostly uses the slightly old fashioned names for ailments like consumption and various venereal diseases. More recently a few people have taken to exclaiming, cancer! when they are displeased. Although it was considered quite shocking at first, it seems to be catching.

I do like saying curses, though. It's pleasantly antiquated and ineffective. I use it when I feel slightly and momentarily thwarted. It's the one I'm most likely to use in the company of others. When I'm alone, I curse a bit differently. The word slut tends to fall out of my mouth when I reproach myself. This has always struck me as slightly odd, as my disappointment with myself almost never has anything to do with my choices about sex. Despite that, I call myself by that word with some frequency. Perhaps the quieter parts of my brain feel something I don't. I also like slug. It's the tamest in my personal arsenal, although as I spend more time gardening I suspect it may develop gravity. The severest of my swears is also the most embarrassing. I'm afraid that when truly annoyed or inconvenienced, I'm given to exclaiming, balls! I'm not proud of it. Sorry, gentlemen. I promise that the rational parts of my brain neither disrespect you nor your anatomy.

How do you curse, when you do?