the day of awesome.

before i begin, it should be noted that yesterday, kaitlin referred to my breasts as "stealthy". i approve in all ways. also, she and i talk about each others breasts a lot. i just noticed. honestly, kaitlin, can we just get drunk and make out already? we many now continue.

set: the philadelphia zoo. the stage should be set in such a way that frequently reminds the audience that sometimes, fiction is not real.

soundtrack: avenue q and wicked, in the car.

the players:

• mr. p. dreadful: a fop.
• mistress liz: an empress. she likes to say random, individual phrases or words in french for no apparent reason. a self-described drama queen, she is neat beyond reason.
• patrick: a puppeteer. the only straight male theatre major ever. awesome in all ways.
• chad and louie: puppets. chad is yellow. louie is a lazy blues singer.
• the emus: they recently broke up with their girlfriends. no one understands. sigh.
• the leopard: paces. foils the leads rather more easily than they'd like to admit.
• the lions: aslan, and, apparently, the former cast of rosanne.
• the vampire bats: sinister. they keep large bowls of blood in their dwelling. mr. dreadful claims to do the same, but the audience should not believe zir.
• most small rodent things: wonderful. some will interact with the main characters and their puppets in a playful manner.
• mole rats: not naked, or fans of cheese. prudes.
• bears and foxes: present.
• wolves: very unfortunately absent.
• a shrew: tamed.
• flamingos: croquet. very funny.
• the orangutans: the librarian.
• a small monkey: depressed.
• a giant centipede: not a small mammal.
• some monkeys: want the cup. must get the cup. sometimes drop the cup.
• baby anythings: socute.
• all others: neat. neat, neat, neat.

plot synopsis: it is discovered that when two theatre majors and a fool are unleashed upon a zoo, they will imitate the animals' behavior a lot. (hey, look, i'm a flamingo.) patrick's car is broken into, but nothing much is taken; the goodness of the universe is proven, as is the fact that people who break into cars won't steal your cds if you only listen to musicals and emo. the leads obtain yummy food, but no jewish apple cake, and return to mr. dreadful's house to watch the beginning of hook. it is decided that liz's peter pan story should actually be about the fact that peter apparently only kidnaps the children of american tourists lost in kensington gardens. this would explain most of the films made on the subject. finis.