there's nothing to lose and there's nothing to prove.

[jacktellslies]

the moon is shaped like an egg tonight. there were lots of wonderful people around all day, and i am really quite happy. i cannot tell you how excited i am about friendships.

i would like to be a house. i would like to be all stairs and doors and stained glass of peacocks over those doors and stone lions and bricks and chimneys and places in which one could hide. and i would like for no one to live in me.

(sound formed in a vacuum may seem a waste of time. it's always been just the same. no hearing, no breathing, no movement, no colors. just silence.)

i want to say that i treasure my loneliness, but that is false. as i said, the friends i have are wonderful and mean so very, very much to me. neverireven has expressed this several times more eloquently than i. but, again, as i've mentioned before, i worry about missing adventure. and this is a rather lame sort of adventure out on which to miss. fear is not a valid excuse for much of anything.

and of what am i afraid? of being misunderstood. of being close enough that i explain. foolishness. all of it.

i'm happy, though. so fucking happy. so this isn't something about which i'm upset, merely something on which i'd like to work. there is so much to fix in this head of mine, and that makes me feel small and daring.

Comments

[fasterpussycat.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you are in a good place.

xo

[cynical-ghost.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you so much remind me of one Mr. Aloysius Pendergast. He is one of my favorite fictional characters. It's a compliment for he is extremely wonderful, eccentric and fascinating.

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

from what is he?

[cynical-ghost.livejournal.com]

He's from a series of books by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child, starting with "Relic" (which was made into a horrible movie cutting his entire character out!).