decisions.

[jacktellslies]

it should be noted that usually, choice is one of my favourite things. however, at the moment, i am being selfish, and small, and stupid, and wishing that decisions would simply be made for me. the classes for which i'm registered next semester are amazing. i miss my family so. philadelphia is a place that i love. but then, i love it here, too. and i just got a job that i like after not having one for so long, and if i go home, i know that i will not find another. i need to be making money again. i need to be working. i'm so tired of feeling useless. it's been a year. i can't let this go. i don't know. what am i doing with my life?

Comments

[cynical-ghost.livejournal.com]

I hate feeling useless. But I know in my heart I am not. Neither are you. You're altogether wonderful. That's enough. ;-)

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

thank you, miss. i'm just worried about giving up what i've found, you know?

[volatileprophet.livejournal.com]

To quote Trainspotting: Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a starter home. Choose dental insurance, leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose your future. But why would anyone want to do a thing like that?

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

so, which option does that discredit?

[paisleycat.livejournal.com]

Perhaps if you spend a few hours locked up with your brain you can escape from the immediate and think about what you want later on, you'll have some clue. what Do your desires require a BA or money sooner and more urgently? I know that's not a glamourous starling answer but I think it might be useful to you.

Knowing what you really want isn't a bad thing in and of itself.

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

yes. thank you.

[camarguais.livejournal.com]

Where is the new job?

You are living it, one instant at a time. What would you rather be doing?

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

whole foods.

i've already stated the options.

not a real grownup, but i play one on tv

[brni.livejournal.com]

school. here's why:

if you leave school and get a real job, and get a real life, all of a sudden there's no time to ever go back and finish. if you do, it's one class at a time, and you're working full time and maybe dealing with family of some sort or another and living expenses and so on. that means your "life" is immersed in a non-academic setting, which isn't really conducive to thinking. it's really conducive to repetition and, if you are lucky, problem solving of immediately present issues. there's less time to read foucault. there's fewer random people around you with whom to discuss foucault (that aren't going to think you are completely whacked for trying to do power/knowledge analyses of contemporary television programming on the fox channel). relish this time - there's nothing like it that you'll find anywhere/when else.

if you are really unhappy at school, then that's a different story.

but otherwise, the world will be there, pittsburgh will be there (there's NOTHING that can destroy that much brick), jobs will be there. everything will still be there in a year or two.

Re: not a real grownup, but i play one on tv

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

i'm going back to school after this semester. there's no worry about that. i love school. it's what i do. i want to teach. i'm certainly not stopping my education after i get my BA, so i'm not the type to get stuck working at a grocery store. also, i have few friends in philadelphia, so really, i'd have more people with whom to discuss foucault while working than while not. i hate that i cannot do both school and work, but if i go back to philadelphia, i will not find a job. i've been unemployed for a year. i cannot allow this to continue.

Re: not a real grownup, but i play one on tv

[brni.livejournal.com]

one option is this - be excellent at the job, then see if they'll allow you to transfer into the whole foods in philly.

Re: not a real grownup, but i play one on tv

[earlofgrey.livejournal.com]

there isn't enough time. i'm not officially on the team until i'm voted on in a month, about the same time that i'd be leaving. i need to work at whole foods here for a few months so i can move back home and both work and go to school.