You will be first against the wall.

[jacktellslies]

I am angry, and arrogant, and resentful. But how does one prevent oneself from becoming these things when one is surrounded by so much injustice? I hate people who own things. And it is not jealousy, but revulsion. I do not want to be consumed by this, but people have so much that they cannot see their having. More importantly, they cannot see others' lacking. I do not spit on them, but how do I stop myself from wanting to do it? People who do more are paid less. How can I not be burned with that? How does one keep from feeling that they are correct, that there is something like one correctness, when one is surrounded by behaviours and opinions that are so clearly wrong, and actively cruel? I think I understand why revolutions birth dictators. I tease myself about it: there are books, ideas, t-shirts, art forms, social networks, and foods that belong to the people, that will be hailed by the state. These things are mine to decide. It is a game of ideological bingo.

I try to quiet myself, to go dreaming. I think that I can find something still there again. The lights used to blink on, one after another. I'd fall into it easily. I begin, now, but my rage fights it. It tears it up at the roots. Things never even go dark.