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incus, malleus, stapes.
Aug. 16th, 2004 12:16 pmi've been feeling so very deaf, lately.
i don't always remember that i'm probably hard of hearing. mostly i'm able to compensate for it. (and overcompensate.)
i don't always have to think of it. it has been on my mind since LA, though, and is continuing because of work. there are big fans in my department, but the case is set up so customers cannot hear them, so they speak very quietly.
people always tease me for being oblivious to things. they'll say hello to me in a crowd and i won't even turn and look. it is embarrassing. but i sort of need you to be in front of me, although that depends upon the space we're occupying. and i usually won't hear you if i don't know you're talking to me. the problem is mostly background noise, so i filter that out as best i can, and if i don't know you're there, i'll think you're part of it. it might be part of the reason that i don't like big group gatherings: there is too much to hear, and it gets confusing.
in speech i hear syllables and stresses where i should be hearing words, and i fill in the gaps afterwords. i get ba dum da da - dum da da - ba da da da - ba da dum dum - ba da da when i should be getting it was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea. on average, it makes for a delay of approximately one second. when i ask you to repeat what you've said, when i bother to do it, which is far too often than i should, i've usually pieced it together before i've finished asking. i feel awful about that. it is easier with people i know. i get used to voices, to patterns, to vocabulary of choice. travel is very strange for the first week. not only can i not hear the people with whom i am staying, but i've the new accent of an entire city with which to contend.
i'm always afraid people can hear things (me) when i cannot. i worry about speaking too loudly, so i speak too quietly instead. i don't really know that, though. liz told me that i was quiet on friday, and i was surprised.
i worry that i'm wrong. i don't have a point of reference, after all. i wish i could hear the world the way someone else does, just so i'd know how much i am or am not missing. perhaps it would be too loud, though, and i would hate it.
this all feels very self indulgent. this is something i'd rather not mention. it has been making things difficult as of late, though, and i'd like to have most of the details down in one place, just so i can have them there and remember. so, yes.
so. besides all that.
liz and kaitlin and lexi and i were discussing the use of vaginae as storage spaces, and eventually came to the idea of vagina time capsules. i'd keep teeth in mine, stolen from those with whom i'm no longer in love. you?
i don't always remember that i'm probably hard of hearing. mostly i'm able to compensate for it. (and overcompensate.)
i don't always have to think of it. it has been on my mind since LA, though, and is continuing because of work. there are big fans in my department, but the case is set up so customers cannot hear them, so they speak very quietly.
people always tease me for being oblivious to things. they'll say hello to me in a crowd and i won't even turn and look. it is embarrassing. but i sort of need you to be in front of me, although that depends upon the space we're occupying. and i usually won't hear you if i don't know you're talking to me. the problem is mostly background noise, so i filter that out as best i can, and if i don't know you're there, i'll think you're part of it. it might be part of the reason that i don't like big group gatherings: there is too much to hear, and it gets confusing.
in speech i hear syllables and stresses where i should be hearing words, and i fill in the gaps afterwords. i get ba dum da da - dum da da - ba da da da - ba da dum dum - ba da da when i should be getting it was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea. on average, it makes for a delay of approximately one second. when i ask you to repeat what you've said, when i bother to do it, which is far too often than i should, i've usually pieced it together before i've finished asking. i feel awful about that. it is easier with people i know. i get used to voices, to patterns, to vocabulary of choice. travel is very strange for the first week. not only can i not hear the people with whom i am staying, but i've the new accent of an entire city with which to contend.
i'm always afraid people can hear things (me) when i cannot. i worry about speaking too loudly, so i speak too quietly instead. i don't really know that, though. liz told me that i was quiet on friday, and i was surprised.
i worry that i'm wrong. i don't have a point of reference, after all. i wish i could hear the world the way someone else does, just so i'd know how much i am or am not missing. perhaps it would be too loud, though, and i would hate it.
this all feels very self indulgent. this is something i'd rather not mention. it has been making things difficult as of late, though, and i'd like to have most of the details down in one place, just so i can have them there and remember. so, yes.
so. besides all that.
liz and kaitlin and lexi and i were discussing the use of vaginae as storage spaces, and eventually came to the idea of vagina time capsules. i'd keep teeth in mine, stolen from those with whom i'm no longer in love. you?
